Saturday, July 26, 2008

R4P2D8 Confused & Emotional

Round 4 Phase 2 Day # 8
1.0ml (161.2iu) HCG IM injection # 8
Starting Weight on 08.18.07: 197lbs
R3 LIW: 161.4
Starting R4 Wt: 169.0
Yesterday's Wt: 160.4
Today's Wt: 160.4
Today's LOSS/GAIN: +/-0.0lb
R4 Total Loss to Date: 8.6lbs

I've already deviated again. I'm really emotional right now. I'm falling again for another boy toy at work and I don't know what to do. Every time I talk to him I'm unsure how he feels. I just don't want what happened with other boy toy to happen again. Also, every time he's around me, he seems to want to ask me something but he shuts down and walks away. He gave me cell phone number and I text him last week. I told him yesterday to let me know if it bothered him if I text him or called him on his cell, just to let me know. He asked why I would say such a thing and I just told him I didn't want him to get in trouble at home. I snuck a peak at his paycheck and his tax status is married. This is causing me to emotionally eat because I don't know what to do with my feelings for him. I know he's married but whether its happily or not, I don't know. He really caught my attention one day cuz I was all grumpy and not wanting to talk to anyone and he made it a point to say hi to me and throw my name in. I just thought it was so weird for him to do that. Then I had to go to court for a ticket I received and he just happened to have court the same day so I hitched a ride with him. It was a good 25 to the courthouse and 25 miles back to the station, so we had plenty of time to talk. He was really sweet but I told myself that that's just the type of guy he is. I finally noticed this week that he has green eyes!! Anyway, so that's why I'm all emotional and confused and deviating. I want to lose weight so he may be more attracted to me but I need to get a hold of my feelings because I shouldn't be doing this for him but for myself. My emotions have got the best of me right now and I just don't know what to do.

It has been raining nonstop since about 2am last night thanks to Dolly!!! Thanks Dolly for compounding the problem of this dreary day and my crazy emotional roller coaster. I love the rain but with my emotions all over the map, it isn't good today.